big girls don't cry

bummer. ive been such a mess this past few days... and that's all because of the news i heard last tuesday. damn! why do they have to tell me that? can't they see im finally moving on?!?!?!

or am i?

coz if i am, i wouldn't make this damn thing a big deal... aaaah!!!!! i want to shout... i want to shout right at him!!! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

i want to hit myself... what's going on with me? we may not have seen each other when he went home but i am still affected with his presence... i thought that not seeing him is a great thing to me... but it's not... it doesn't make any difference... im still affected...

i've been such a loner this week... gaping at nothing.. thinking of what to do if ever we see each other... shit! my friends have been telling me all the things that a friend could advice...

just ignore him, or busy yourself or don't ever have a moment where you can think of him... but those were all useless.... i just can't help him... i... i... [oh my god, will i really vomit this word?!?!?!] I STILL LOVE HIM!!!!!!

they've been telling me harsh words about reality.... they've been telling hurtful words that would make me hate him.... i even cried with all those things they said to me... but i can't feel any hatred towards him... i can't make myself hate him!!! why? oh why?

can you give me reasons to hate him?! please... please... please...

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massochists. yeah, i guess i am it. i've been spontaneously checking out his friendster profile... only to get hurt... tsk! seeing him with pics of his current gf... *sigh* it really hurts you know...

when we were still together, he kept on telling me that he really loved me... but he was the first one to recover... how is that huh?

my bestfriend told me that if he just used the girl to forget him, then that made him a worse person.... using a girl isn't just right. and posting his pics in his friendster then adding me? it's just one of the proofs for his vengeance over me since i was the one who broke up with him..
and she's got a point, ayt?

[note: this one is one of those "harsh" words they told me to hate him]

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i guess ill just try harder to forget him... i know, i know, i already said that... and i already promised that i will never ever post a blog about him ever again... but i just want an outlet to express all these things im feeling...

have you head the song "way back into love" in the songs and lyrics movie? there was a line like this:

trapped in the past where i just can't seem to move on...

then there is also a song of mymp titled "only reminds me of you":

i needed my freedom, that's what i thought but i was a fool to believe
my heart lied while you cried rivers of tears but i was too blind to see

yeah, these songs hit me big time.. but my answer?

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry

all i ever need is a reason to really hate him.. so i can finally move on...

ang mga nagagawa ng mga walang magawa

1. papakin ang kape kunwari ay milo

2. pag-aralan ang lenggwahe ng mga ipis at kaibiganin

3. punuin ang inidoro

4. buklasin ang tv at gawing radyo

5. pagkasyahain ang sarili sa ref

6. magbilang ng buhok

7. sunugin ang bahay at sumigaw ng "YEHEEY!!!"

nagawa ko na ang anim sa mga ito... gawin ko kaya ang pang-pito? hahhaha! [at tagaleg na pala ako ngayon.. nyahaha!]

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i was told not to hurt the heart of the one i love. but when i was so busy taking care of that hear, i never noticed, my own was slowly dying....

maayo nalang naay UNO-DOS-TRES CAPSULE. nakatabang gyud nakog dako.

[testimonyang dili scripted, dili binayran tinuod nga

LOL! corny, i know... pero bored ngakasinatian.] ako eh... KULEEET!!!! wahahahaha!

my firsts yet my last... [revised editon. lol!]

i was reading my previous blog when i noticed that my title has nothing do with my post... hahaha! so much for being not-in-the-mood-to-type-a-blog....!!! tsk! tsk! and so, ill gonna revise this silly blog of mine...

last friday was our acquaintance party... you already know the results, right? and you already know that i joined that crappy hair competition, right? that's one of the reasons why i made this title.. it's my very first time to join this pagean-like contest... first time ever! swear! and they just made me loose this competition.. hmf! talk about insecure! wahaha!

emcee: candidate no. 9!!!
judge 1: uuy, first time ni izza to ah...
judge 2: she has a great hair pero siya na naman?
judge 3: agree... puro nalang siya.. first honor na, editor-in-chief pa tapos siya na naman ang papanalunin natin?
judge 1: give chance to others naman...

see? they're all insecure! wahehehe! conceited much? tsk! tsk! i guess ill never get rid of this disease... lol!

anyway, it is also my first time to dance with all that energy during our disco.. for the past three years, i danced like a total nerd! really! gah! i don't know why i wasted so much fun during those times... hmf! but now, i danced like i owned the whole dance floor! haha! who cares? im a senior... there's no one senior than me this year... no raising eyebrows... and if there is, they're all younger than me so i couldn't care less... as long as i enjoyed it, i don't care... hahahaha!

my last... of course, this is our last year together [suddenly turned into poignant mood] .... so ill be making the most of it... that's why im doing the best that i can to enjoy this year coz there'll be no more chance on repeating this kind of occasion... though we'll be separated next school year, i know that deep within our hearts, we're still one.. nakz!

my firsts yet my last....

last friday was our acqauintance party... and for the very first time, i joined the kering-keri hair competition.... hehehehe! but unfortunately, i lost... just got the second place! hmf! if you'll ask me, she doesn't really have that beautiful shiny black hair... she just got the moves.... but that's all that she has... it's all frustrated-dance-trainor-bald-gay's fault.... can you imagine? i was number one with the two judges and he gave me five? tsk! tsk! talk about insecure.... [im bitter again!] okay, so never mind this paragraph....

let me start again my blog... last friday was our acquaintance party... and again, we are the champ! though we only got second place on the dance contest, [sophomores got the first place] we still are proud to have it coz we just practiced our dance number a day before!!! really! and we beat the juniors who has been practicing a week before the party... hahahhaha! we won first place for the cheering contest.... which we just practiced in the morning on that very day.... tsk! tsk! like what we say, we rock...! we rule...! we reign...! hehehehe!

and of course, our urian idol..... won the first place!!!! tsk! tsk! the very first time he joined this kind of contest... and for our mr. and ms. sco 2007, well, both are vianniztaz...tsk! tsk!

oh.... im really not on the mood to type my blog right now.. i blog just for the sake of blogging... but im currently not feeling that way.... so bye for now.... *mwah* mwah*