hypothesis: rejected

i want you back. i need you. i am still inlove with you.

should i shot myself? yeah, i think i should.

after months of preparation for our foundation week...

after a week of observing myself, i have finally come to an undeniable conclusion.

I STILL LOVE HIM.

just like a forwarded quote of my friend:

i never stopped loving him. i just learned how to live without him.

i realized that last night, during our student's night.

i was expecting that he would really come at our campus to celebrate with us.

but he didn't. i was disappointed, yes. but not to the point that i would ruin my night.

it would have been fine for me if the operator didn't play "Your Love" as the 2nd sweet song.

i would have chose to yell those men. they didn't know how it affected me. even my friends didn't know that i cried that night. really cried. [yes, leng, and myang... i cried. i just didn't tell you coz i know you'll get mad. only tom knew this.]

ALL I EVER WISHED THAT NIGHT IS FOR US TO TALK. I AM NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING. I AM NOT EXPECTING THAT WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN. ALL I EVER WANTED IS A PROPER CLOSURE. SO I CAN MOVE ON.

because when we broke up [march 29, 2007], it was just on the phone. and eversince, we didn't see each other again. oow, we had. that was when we had a parade some day on the first week of April. but eversince that day, never.

but then, if he really wanted to win me back, he would have talked to me during that parade. he should've find ways to talk to me. BUT HE DIDN'T. that's what makes it so bitter.

this is the whole story after the breakup [this was before the said parade]:

we still have communication that time. we texted a lot, telling me to take him again. i was actually planning to do so, but before doing that, we need to talk personally which at that time, i can't coz me and my family were everywhere [bukidnon to davao].

until one day, he stopped texting me. and my pride was the only thing that kept me from not txting him too. it was all that i have that time. and that was the end. after that, no news from him. not until he made a new friendster account and invited me and saw his pics with his girl.

if i was just bitchy girl, i would have done a lot of bitchy things that only i would suffer in the end. *sigh*

if i could just turn back the time, i wouldn't have been very impulsive. i was taken by my insecurities which wasnt really enough to break up with him.

lord, all i ever wanted is for us to talk. that's all. i only have tomorrow and i don't want to miss that chance. i heard he'll be back in cebu this sunday and ill be off to davao this sunday too. just a talk, please. and guess what day would be this sunday? it's OCTOBER 28, 2007. i am supposed to be celebrating that day with him. *sigh* i guess some things weren't just meant to be.