a drag queen's closet

hypothesis: rejected

2007-10-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

i want you back. i need you. i am still inlove with you.

should i shot myself? yeah, i think i should.

after months of preparation for our foundation week...

after a week of observing myself, i have finally come to an undeniable conclusion.

I STILL LOVE HIM.

just like a forwarded quote of my friend:

i never stopped loving him. i just learned how to live without him.

i realized that last night, during our student's night.

i was expecting that he would really come at our campus to celebrate with us.

but he didn't. i was disappointed, yes. but not to the point that i would ruin my night.

it would have been fine for me if the operator didn't play "Your Love" as the 2nd sweet song.

i would have chose to yell those men. they didn't know how it affected me. even my friends didn't know that i cried that night. really cried. [yes, leng, and myang... i cried. i just didn't tell you coz i know you'll get mad. only tom knew this.]

ALL I EVER WISHED THAT NIGHT IS FOR US TO TALK. I AM NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING. I AM NOT EXPECTING THAT WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN. ALL I EVER WANTED IS A PROPER CLOSURE. SO I CAN MOVE ON.

because when we broke up [march 29, 2007], it was just on the phone. and eversince, we didn't see each other again. oow, we had. that was when we had a parade some day on the first week of April. but eversince that day, never.

but then, if he really wanted to win me back, he would have talked to me during that parade. he should've find ways to talk to me. BUT HE DIDN'T. that's what makes it so bitter.

this is the whole story after the breakup [this was before the said parade]:

we still have communication that time. we texted a lot, telling me to take him again. i was actually planning to do so, but before doing that, we need to talk personally which at that time, i can't coz me and my family were everywhere [bukidnon to davao].

until one day, he stopped texting me. and my pride was the only thing that kept me from not txting him too. it was all that i have that time. and that was the end. after that, no news from him. not until he made a new friendster account and invited me and saw his pics with his girl.

if i was just bitchy girl, i would have done a lot of bitchy things that only i would suffer in the end. *sigh*

if i could just turn back the time, i wouldn't have been very impulsive. i was taken by my insecurities which wasnt really enough to break up with him.

lord, all i ever wanted is for us to talk. that's all. i only have tomorrow and i don't want to miss that chance. i heard he'll be back in cebu this sunday and ill be off to davao this sunday too. just a talk, please. and guess what day would be this sunday? it's OCTOBER 28, 2007. i am supposed to be celebrating that day with him. *sigh* i guess some things weren't just meant to be.

UAAP Cheerdance Competition [late post]

2007-10-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

the lithe and blithe dancers were a sight to behold and the routines

were impeccably executed, albeit extemely difficult and risky.

having incorporated a theme to their routine, theirs was

a visual cacophany of timing,

coordination and agility, a sonorous esprit de corps,

a proberbially rocking and rolling the coliseum.

CONGRATULATIONS, UP!!!!!

- Inday, nanood ng UAAP Cheerdance dahil day off niya.

hahahaha! kala niyo kung ano noh? wahehehehe!

darn it!

2007-10-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

just when i thought i was over that guy....

just when i thought i was able to know the word "love" again....

just when i thought i am finally starting to have a life...

i am, again, hurt by the feeling we called LOVE...

sometime during my sis' birthday:

rey: have you finally forgotten about your ex?

me: yeah, i guess so.

rey: what if someone will court you? will he have any hope?

me: hmm... i don't know. i guess no.

that was the time when i thought what i felt for him is just a joke. he was my friend for eight years, for crying out loud! i don't wanna ruin our friendship! and beside's i always have this principle that I WILL NEVER EVER FALL INLOVE FROM MY FRIEND'S EX-BOYFRIENDS. may it be a close friend or not.

and now, just when jason told me that he was really planning to court me, he texted me that he liked one of my friends. darn it! why do i have to say it to him the last time we talked? why can't i ever learn a lesson? why?! why?!

i never thought that i could be in this kind of situation. loving a friend. i always put it in my head that i would never ever fall for his charm coz i wanna be different. coz every girl are charmed by him. and i've been successfully doing that for the past eight years. and he's a certified playboy eversince. but why, oh why, just now?

i am so HURT. but then if he really courted me, am i really willing to take risk of our friendship? am i really ready to open my heart again? I DON'T KNOW.

a science experiment of a getting-over heart

2007-10-12T17:41:00.000-07:00

problem: am i over him?

hypothesis: i guess...

materials: a broken heart a 'z' in my life

a cetified mathematician and an nspc qualifier artist

procedure: look for a cute guy around and observe what happens.

observation: i observe that im gradually [and finally] moving on. eversince classes started, i was always not on the state of mind. it seems like i can't see any guys around. every time i looked at them, i feel like im just looking at an alien. i don't seem to acknowledge the man's existence.

but this past few weeks, im starting to develop crushes. eversince i saw my long-time friend dance during those basketball tournament days. i've had a crush on him instantly! hahaha! and what's ironic about it, is i promised myself never to had a crush on that guy coz everybody's falling for him. and i can't believe im actually on this situation. hahaha! but then again, it's just a crush, isn't it? [he's the nspc qualifier artist]

and then, when i attended the division science fair last week, i saw this guy [who used to be my textmate last year]. wala lang. i just find him cute that day. plus the fact that he was a great mathematician. hehe! hey, i can have a math tutorial with him, right? what do you think? wahehe!

conclusion: i therefore conclude that im finally getting over that guy. though this study is still under observation coz i still wanna see him to clarify my feelings, im hoping that my hypothesis is correct. just a few more days to go and i'll finally see the results. foundation week is on the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

could he be...?

2007-10-04T01:39:00.000-07:00

i had a dream. actually, i had this dream just last month. but i as i was daydreaming again this morning [hey, i told you im a daydreamer right?] i couldn't help but to remember this very significant dream of mine...

it all started when there was a troy-like war... yep, the kind of war that you see in the movies troy, lord of the rings, etc. and with all the costumes and props ha? i was leading the female group. and our nemesis, all boys. so basically, you can call it the war between man and woman.

but, the leader of the male batalion is a guy that i loved [no, it wasn't him. this guy's different okay? so stop groaning in there. =p]. it wasn't vocally said on my dream but i felt like it. and so we battled it out 'til the end. i couldn't actually remember who won. hello? it's almost two months since i dreamt about it! =)

okay, continue... after the war, the my companions and the other guy who survived went on as if nothing had happened. like it was just a play or something...you know what i mean? and so, we finally went home ridding in a van. inside, i was with my bestfriend, his boyfriend and him. my bestfriend's boyfriend who is also my guy's bestfriend kept on convincing him to finall tell him what he really feels for me. but my guy just said: no! you know that she's forbidden! she's our enemy for pete's sake! and then, he went out in the vehicle. [that time, we finally stopped in the beach. i don't know why we got in the beach when we're supposed to be 'going home']

then my bestfriend's guy sat beside me [still in the van] and started to tease me about him. i can't actually remember what he said but he teased me, im sure of it. i was just blushing and laughing like any woman would. and so, we went out at the vehicle.

he was there, in the shore standing authoritatively, with the sunset as his background. he was wearing a hawaiian shorts. and when i looked at the back of his shorts, there was a printed name: PHILIP.

and then i woke up.

i know someone who's name is philip. but in my dream, it's not the philip that i knew. he was different. he wasn't geeky and sloppy [like the philip that i knew]. he's the kind of guy that a romance writter would like to have as there heroes in their stories.

as i was saying this to my friend, they were all kilig and all that. saying that he might be the one.
of course, they also dreamt about the man of their dreams but there wasn't any name!

and so, i left him with so much jealousy...haha! kidding! but then, could he be the one...?

the year before

2007-10-04T01:35:00.000-07:00

6/28/07:

a year ago, a girl tried to enter into a girl's life. he was one of those guys that she never expected to like her. but then, she was glad...

actually, she had a crush on him... way back when they were still campaigning for the student council organization. but she thought to herself: ow, c'mon! he's cute alright, but he's just one of those guys that you considered 'displays to please your eyes'. so wake up girl!

eventually, the girl finally forget about it. not because she was totally over with that guy but because of the hectic sched she could hardly take notice of the boys around the campus.

then one day, at one sunny day, he finally decided to confess to her. the school was celebrating the science fair at that time, she could still remember. she was busy with her investigatory project when suddenly, his barkada were starting to tease her about him. puzzled by what was happening, she continued on what she was doing.

before the day finally ended, he went up to her and started to have a converstation with her.

"so is it true that r*** is courting you?" he asked after awhile.

"yeah, but i already gave him my answer." the girl said, having a hint with what he was about to say.

"then i guess ill have no rival if i'll court you then." he said smiling.

the girl looked up to him and smiled.

[to be continued...]

yipee!

2007-09-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

okay, so im still very busy right now. but who cares? i am just SO HAPPY these days.

let's start with the a lil bit shallow reason...

my bestfriend and my sis had their birthdays!!!! yipee!!!!!!! my bestfriend turned 16 last september 20. and i can't believe that we've been friends for nine years!! she's been my bestfriend since elementary until now. and even though she was studying in another school [which is our school's tough rival at any thing] we still remained our communications... *sigh* i love you wife!!! xoxoxox

and my sister also turned 22 last september 24. tehee! and we went to a beach! yipee! i love beaches... hehehehehe! but unfortunately, my bro didn't make it coz he was having his exams... but despite all that, i am happy. we went swimming, picture taking, and eating!!!! how is that, huh? lol! and most of all, we went SHOPPING!!!!!! wohoo!

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

i just had my new band uniform!!! finally, after a century of using that the same old fashioned band uniform, we finally decided to have a new one!!! yipeee!!! and what's more great to that is we [me and my assisstant majorette] looked like barbie dolls... yeah, no kidding..

and for the band competition, well, it sucks for me. really really sucks!!! imagine, just at the beginning of the exhibition, my hands were already wet with sweat!!!!!!! and of course, what do you think would happen if my hands were sweaty? it would be very slippery. and that is exactly what happened. tsk! tsk!

but regardless of those two unforgivable incident [yeah, i did it two times. shit!], the show was great! i was lifted and it was soooo scary during our first trial. but i get used to it eventually. thank god!

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

we just had our reading of honors!! yipeee!!!! and i wouldn't be this happy if i never had GREAT grades and GREAT rank.. hehehehehe!

bitttersweet memories

2007-09-10T03:46:00.000-07:00

yesterday, around 6 p.m

i just have stepped out from the internet cafe which is just near the church. i was wearing a cap that day so i looked up and saw dark clouds lurking in the sky. though it was still early, it looked like 7 p.m. i sighed, December is really near. it has been weeks that this every-afternoon-rain started. i started to walk near the road, waiting for a vehicle to send me home.

our house is a ten-minute drive from the town proper. so in that hour, i was having difficulties in getting a trycicle. i waited. later, drizzles then touched my skin. i looked up just for me to look down again since it hurts my eye. i tried to look for a cover, but i thought, it's just drizzles. it won't make me wet. and so i continued my waiting and the rain is starting to become stronger.

minutes after, i finally found a tricycle. i get in and finally went home. it was night and raining and the air is so cold. i couldn't help but shiver and rub my hands while in a ride. it was such a very lonely cold night.

same time, same place, not the same day....

it was valentine's day and i am so happy. he gave me a rabbit stuff toy and three red roses. very corny yet it's the thing what girl's loved on their guys. the mass just ended since it was wednesday. t'was our first time to attend a wednesday mass. my friends went home ahead of me since they just live at the capital of the town. but i lived far from the town, and he lived one barangay after mine. so we both waited for a tricycle. that night, i couldn't see the stars above... only meant one thing, a rain is coming. but then, that wouldn't ruin my day. i was just so happy.

the drizzles started to come. he said, "why don't go look for a cover while i wait for a tricycle here?" i don't want him to be the only who would get wet. if he would, then i would too. "no, i won't leave you here," i said to him stubbornly. he smiled and put his cap on my head. "wear that, i don't want you to get sick."

so we waited and waited until we finally found something to sent us home. night, raining and the air was very cold. he could feel that i was shivering. he took my hand and covered it to his. gently rubbing it to give it some warmth. i looked at him and our eyes met. it was like saying "i love you" by just staring at one another.

and when i finally got home, before i went out on the vehicle, he said, "i love you". i responded too. while i was walking to my house, i thought, yes, it was a very cold night. and yet, i couldn't feel any coldness in my heart.

big girls don't cry

2007-08-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

bummer. ive been such a mess this past few days... and that's all because of the news i heard last tuesday. damn! why do they have to tell me that? can't they see im finally moving on?!?!?!

or am i?

coz if i am, i wouldn't make this damn thing a big deal... aaaah!!!!! i want to shout... i want to shout right at him!!! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

i want to hit myself... what's going on with me? we may not have seen each other when he went home but i am still affected with his presence... i thought that not seeing him is a great thing to me... but it's not... it doesn't make any difference... im still affected...

i've been such a loner this week... gaping at nothing.. thinking of what to do if ever we see each other... shit! my friends have been telling me all the things that a friend could advice...

just ignore him, or busy yourself or don't ever have a moment where you can think of him... but those were all useless.... i just can't help him... i... i... [oh my god, will i really vomit this word?!?!?!] I STILL LOVE HIM!!!!!!

they've been telling me harsh words about reality.... they've been telling hurtful words that would make me hate him.... i even cried with all those things they said to me... but i can't feel any hatred towards him... i can't make myself hate him!!! why? oh why?

can you give me reasons to hate him?! please... please... please...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

massochists. yeah, i guess i am it. i've been spontaneously checking out his friendster profile... only to get hurt... tsk! seeing him with pics of his current gf... *sigh* it really hurts you know...

when we were still together, he kept on telling me that he really loved me... but he was the first one to recover... how is that huh?

my bestfriend told me that if he just used the girl to forget him, then that made him a worse person.... using a girl isn't just right. and posting his pics in his friendster then adding me? it's just one of the proofs for his vengeance over me since i was the one who broke up with him..
and she's got a point, ayt?

[note: this one is one of those "harsh" words they told me to hate him]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i guess ill just try harder to forget him... i know, i know, i already said that... and i already promised that i will never ever post a blog about him ever again... but i just want an outlet to express all these things im feeling...

have you head the song "way back into love" in the songs and lyrics movie? there was a line like this:

trapped in the past where i just can't seem to move on...

then there is also a song of mymp titled "only reminds me of you":

i needed my freedom, that's what i thought but i was a fool to believe
my heart lied while you cried rivers of tears but i was too blind to see

yeah, these songs hit me big time.. but my answer?

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry

all i ever need is a reason to really hate him.. so i can finally move on...

ang mga nagagawa ng mga walang magawa

2007-08-18T02:58:00.000-07:00

1. papakin ang kape kunwari ay milo

2. pag-aralan ang lenggwahe ng mga ipis at kaibiganin

3. punuin ang inidoro

4. buklasin ang tv at gawing radyo

5. pagkasyahain ang sarili sa ref

6. magbilang ng buhok

7. sunugin ang bahay at sumigaw ng "YEHEEY!!!"

nagawa ko na ang anim sa mga ito... gawin ko kaya ang pang-pito? hahhaha! [at tagaleg na pala ako ngayon.. nyahaha!]

***********************************

i was told not to hurt the heart of the one i love. but when i was so busy taking care of that hear, i never noticed, my own was slowly dying....

maayo nalang naay UNO-DOS-TRES CAPSULE. nakatabang gyud nakog dako.

[testimonyang dili scripted, dili binayran tinuod nga

LOL! corny, i know... pero bored ngakasinatian.] ako eh... KULEEET!!!! wahahahaha!

my firsts yet my last... [revised editon. lol!]

2007-08-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

i was reading my previous blog when i noticed that my title has nothing do with my post... hahaha! so much for being not-in-the-mood-to-type-a-blog....!!! tsk! tsk! and so, ill gonna revise this silly blog of mine...

last friday was our acquaintance party... you already know the results, right? and you already know that i joined that crappy hair competition, right? that's one of the reasons why i made this title.. it's my very first time to join this pagean-like contest... first time ever! swear! and they just made me loose this competition.. hmf! talk about insecure! wahaha!

emcee: candidate no. 9!!!
judge 1: uuy, first time ni izza to ah...
judge 2: she has a great hair pero siya na naman?
judge 3: agree... puro nalang siya.. first honor na, editor-in-chief pa tapos siya na naman ang papanalunin natin?
judge 1: give chance to others naman...

see? they're all insecure! wahehehe! conceited much? tsk! tsk! i guess ill never get rid of this disease... lol!

anyway, it is also my first time to dance with all that energy during our disco.. for the past three years, i danced like a total nerd! really! gah! i don't know why i wasted so much fun during those times... hmf! but now, i danced like i owned the whole dance floor! haha! who cares? im a senior... there's no one senior than me this year... no raising eyebrows... and if there is, they're all younger than me so i couldn't care less... as long as i enjoyed it, i don't care... hahahaha!

my last... of course, this is our last year together [suddenly turned into poignant mood] .... so ill be making the most of it... that's why im doing the best that i can to enjoy this year coz there'll be no more chance on repeating this kind of occasion... though we'll be separated next school year, i know that deep within our hearts, we're still one.. nakz!

my firsts yet my last....

2007-08-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

last friday was our acqauintance party... and for the very first time, i joined the kering-keri hair competition.... hehehehe! but unfortunately, i lost... just got the second place! hmf! if you'll ask me, she doesn't really have that beautiful shiny black hair... she just got the moves.... but that's all that she has... it's all frustrated-dance-trainor-bald-gay's fault.... can you imagine? i was number one with the two judges and he gave me five? tsk! tsk! talk about insecure.... [im bitter again!] okay, so never mind this paragraph....

let me start again my blog... last friday was our acquaintance party... and again, we are the champ! though we only got second place on the dance contest, [sophomores got the first place] we still are proud to have it coz we just practiced our dance number a day before!!! really! and we beat the juniors who has been practicing a week before the party... hahahhaha! we won first place for the cheering contest.... which we just practiced in the morning on that very day.... tsk! tsk! like what we say, we rock...! we rule...! we reign...! hehehehe!

and of course, our urian idol..... won the first place!!!! tsk! tsk! the very first time he joined this kind of contest... and for our mr. and ms. sco 2007, well, both are vianniztaz...tsk! tsk!

oh.... im really not on the mood to type my blog right now.. i blog just for the sake of blogging... but im currently not feeling that way.... so bye for now.... *mwah* mwah*

starting anew

2007-07-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

i finally made up my mind..im sure for this.. i will finally forget him even if it hurts.. it's useless to always think about him.. useless to think what could have happened if we didn't break up.. thinking about those what ifs would just make me a total jerk.. and it is just being a masochist.. [definitely not the typical me] coz i know.. he's happy now.. happy with another girl..

the pic i saw was like a slap for me to finally wake up in reality..that it's really over between us.. ive never seen him that close to a woman before.. so he might really love her.. more than he loved me.. but then, loved her or not, ive got no business with him.. im totally out of his life right now..

i will try to forget him for the betterment of myself.. afterall, that's the reason why i broke up with him.. i just love myself too much.. too much that i feel like im such a looser.. and besides, i'll still be meeting a lot of guys.. not to mention more gorgeous one.. hahaha!ü di ba ling? [pag.post biya ug comment ha.. bantay lang.. wahehe!] tom? cha? myang? wahahaha!ü especially in U.P. diba? ahaha! as if kapasar na.. wahehehe!

and so here i am, typing the very last blog i'll type about him.. from this day on, i will never ever mention his name... nor think about him... i promise...

dealing with the word bereavement

2007-07-25T03:28:00.000-07:00

JULY 19, 2007 (THURSDAY)- it was shadow's sched for immunization with her vet...

JULY 20, 2007 (FRIDAY)- she was starting to become weak... she doesn't eat her foods and she always vomit...

JULY 21, 2007 (SATURDAY)- still no sign of happiness from her... so weak.. so lonely..

JULY 22, 2007 (SUNDAY)- still the same condition.. but this time, she already vomited blood.. T_T her doctor said it was a normal fever.. but we don't think it was normal and so we decided to take her to the hospital.. the findings were chronic poisoning.. i don't know how she got poisoned.. but the only thing i hoped for that moment is that she'll get well soon...

JULY 23-24---> shadow was under observation for 72 hours.. and all we can do is call her vet everytime to check up her status...

JULY 25, 2007-> we lost another lovable dog... again... shadow was dead at the first thing in the morning... i wasn't able to talk for a while after i heard the news... i really thought she would make it because the vet kept on telling us that she was already gaining strength...

it was like history repeating itself.. but this time, this wasn't an accident.. on december 29, 2006, we lost a dog like shadow... and the emptiness was undefinable... and now, another loss of a dog...

my classmates just laugh at me whenever they see me so lonely just for the fact that our dog was dead... they wouldn't understand.. they wouldn't understand coz they weren't on my place.. they don't know how attached i am with that dog...

i feel so lonely again...good thing rusty is still here.. i know ill get over with this emptiness just like what happened when beyonce died.. but then, another gaping hole was formed in my heart.. and whatever dog will come to us, they still wouldn't replace our two labrador dogs... BEYONCE AND SHADOW...

I WILL MISS YOU BOTH!!!! T_T

one down..

2007-07-20T02:09:00.000-07:00

one down, eleven more to go!!!!

*sigh* our exam was over just right now.. but instead of feeling relieved, im feeling really, really, really drained right now... i can't understand myself really.. usually, when exam was over, i always asked my friends to go anywhere and celebrate... but now, i went home very early...

maybe because im too sleepy because i haven't got enought sleep this past few days? naah... i don't think so... coz if it is, then what will happen to me for the next days? hmm... maybe because there are still a lot of things to do and i don't know how to budget my time.... super hectic sched!!! aargghhh!!!!!

one, i still have to make a powerpoint presentation for our computer subject since it is our exam for this month... and this monday is the deadline.. which is also our nutrition culmination which i have to manage for the cooking contest and also need to review for our nutri-quiz....

second, i still need to finish answering my other reviewers for the UPCAT.. darn!!!! and i don't think ill be able to finish it this week.... i only have one week to review and there are still 3 more reviewers unanswered!!!! shit! how am i supposed to do that when im also busy for my school activities?!?!?!?! double shit!!!!

third, we need to practice every afternoon starting next week... the "araw" [feast day in here] would be this coming second week this august... just right after the UPCAT applications... aaarrgghh!!!!!

plus, i still need to attend my MTAP classes starting tomorrow and my Math tutorials tomorrow afternoon..... and study in advance for physics!!!!!

HHHHEEEELLLPPPPPPP!!!!!! HOW AM I GOING TO DO ALL THESE THINGS?!?!?! I NEVER ASK FOR ALL THESE TO COME!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!

-----------

tomorrow would be july 21, 2007.... it is my day of anguish... a day of torment.... T_T why?
you'll know tomorrow.... i will be posting again....

---------
WHY THE HECK AM I STILL TYPING WHEN ALL I EVER DID RIGHT NOW IS COMPLAIN FOR THE BUSY SCHED? [LOL!]

topic for today:POLITICS

2007-07-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

one of the reasons why i haven't been online for this past two weeks is because i was too busy for our election in our campus... i ran for the position of vice-president... tsk!

how did it go? we'll, let's just say that people chose the handsome one over the responsible me. ahaha! bitter much..?! lol! seriously, i lost... i really expect that i'll win... but, oh well... it's the people's choice.. there's nothing i can do about that... tehee! my dad said i was over exposed that's why the people chose the one who can focus on them more since im the president of most of the clubs. that is, at least a consolation for me. at least i can focus more on my academics. but what's freaking me out is that my rival on academics won as the president. you know how it goes. you'll always have an additional point for being the leader in school. and that really worries me... hmm... i guess all i can do is study really hard... *sigh*

it amazes me on how we really value our friendship. when we were still deciding whose people to include in our line up, there came arguments. of course, you really can't avoid it, can you? but then, even though the competition is brewing in our classroom, i could tell that we still are friends. this may sound so foolish for there really are people who want to compete and that, they backstab anyone they see. but no, i didn't see that during those times. there was even a time where one of the party wasn't really prepared for the room-to-room campaign. they hadn't made a line-up for their candidates and platforms for the students to see. but one of the running presidents (Fahad-my mommie) voluntarily helped them. and abby even commented that we were just so different from the other batch. because the other past parties were always quarrelling, arguing, and competing. unlike us who helps one another. so see? the friendship that we have is indespensable.

the way how pinoy lives reflects even in just a small community. why? uhm, going back to me as being a looser (haha!) i think im right. im not debasing at someone's capability. maybe i am just bitter right now that's why im saying this. tehee! well, im talking about the newly elected vp of our school. he's really not the leader type. in fact, most people told me that the students that voted him were just attracted to his gogeousness. (ack! si ceasar, gorgeous? ahaha!) but then, i still don't know his capabilities so i hope im wrong. [going back] this made me realize that pinoys really are fools. can you just imagine, they chose physical attributes over the one who can really manage them? tsk! tsk!

okay, im going on too far. i might offend somebody. JUST DON'T MIND THE LAST ONE. I MAY JUST BE BITTER RIGHT NOW. OKAY?!

in any way or another, im still a busy afterall. if you could just imagine my sched right now. ack! so loosing in our election is a big sigh of relief to me... hehehehe!

missing this....

2007-07-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

*sigh* haven't been online for almost two weeks! shucks! i got very busy with the election... tsk! tsk! plus, i still got five more books to review for my upcoming UPCAT!!!!

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! im super super super super super busy... as in! a million times super busy... i haven't got the chance to read all the books that had been stored in my room for many months... i haven't got the chance to watch harry potter and the order of the phoenix, and now, i think i'll be late in reading the last series of harry potter seven!!!!!! aargh! i just hate it being so busy... T_T

next week will be our exam and also the start of our MTAP classes... haha! as if im goo in math.. grr! but in fairness, i am a member of the Math Wizard... nyahaha! then, sooner, we'll also start our TESDA classes.. then we still have to practice for the coming parade this august as well as getting ready for the exam for the UPCAT..!!!!! then, after the parade and the exams, we'll be starting to review about journalism... we're planning to join DSPC... ahuhu!

busy.. busy.. busy... busy... huhuhu!!!!! hope i'll still have a chance to be online with this so much must-dos.....

and oh, i forgot, i still have to look for a recipe for the coming nutrition month! aargh!!!!!
HHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hana yori dango- the return

2007-07-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

finally, i got the chance to watch this japanese novela... well, it's just like meteor garden... with new faces, characters and names!!!!!!

i got curious with this one because someone told me that there's a scene there that was similar to my all-time favorite book [the scene where the guy was on the plane and the girl was outside]... though it was on part 1, i was able to see it coz it was repeated a couple of times on the part 2.. *sigh* im getting mushy over here, again.. hahaha!!!!for the casts, well, i could say that the f4 in meteor garden is a lot gorgeous than their f4... oow, they're handsome alright.. but still, no one beats them [meteor garden f4].. especially their dao ming sue [is my spelling correct? haha!] yeah, no one beats jerry yan.. Domyouji [their dao ming sue] is a cutie.. yeah, a cutie... doesn't really suit for a guy who bullies everyone at their school... unlike jerry yan who's really charming [with his really cute dimples] and yet, still has that really bad guy effect... waaaah!!!! im getting inlove again with the f4!!!! ahaha! plus, i think their Domyouji is gay.. lol!

for makino [their sanchai], well, she's prettier compared to sanchai.. tehee! true! she looks like kim chiu, but of course, a lot prettier than kim... ahahahaha!!!

that's all i can say folks.. ow, i almost forgot, i love how domyouji proposed to her! hahaha! *kilig* *kilig*

late news...

2007-06-30T03:41:00.000-07:00

i was supposed to be posting these pics last week but i got so busy with our exams...argh! that two hellish day exams!!!! thank god we just had three exams at the first day... then just four at the next... [we have nine subjects, you know]... that reminds me, we still have exams for our computer subject! eeek! and that would b this monday! uh-oh! got to study! err, okay, got to study after typing this...

anyway, we went to my bro's college campus [as i've said on ACHINGLY BITTER]... since my bro's pc had a little dilemma, i brought my laptop to his pad and guess what? i was able to be online!!! hahaha! how is that huh? well, i was so giddy with that fact coz it was my very very very first time to be online at home... hehehe! at first, i thought i won't be able to do it coz my freakin' bro forgot his password! tsk! but then we called up the costumer service, so it was okay.... yeheey!!! wohoo! *claps* *claps*

before going home, we had our lunch at this very cool place.. i really liked the ambience... SO VINTAGE!!! they have this theme of the world war II.. and they have posters of marilyn monroe, the first beer, vintage paintings.. tsk! tsk! really amazing... they must have difficulties in collecting all those stuff... plus, the food itself is one of a kind!!! thinking of those foods we ordered make me starve... hahaha!

plus, their food is one of a kind!!! thinking of those foods we ordered make me starve.. hahahaha!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

i have my new wedges!!!! yipee!!!! i used to wear wedges when i was still learning to use high heeled sandals... that was way before it has become 'in'.. but now that it's already 'uso' and i already know how to walk with heeled sandals, i haven't got the chance to buy wedges.. just now... and my mom bought this for me!!! yipee!!! ahaha! ow, did i mention that i still have to pay to my mom for this one? lol! yeah, this wasn't free afterall.. tsk! tsk!

ever wondering how was my operation diet going? tehee! let's just say, we bought a whole HONEY CAKE during our trip there.. hahahaha! so much of a diet huh? tehee! but f.y.i., i never gained nor loose weight... now im wondering, is that a good news? err, coz i really don't know... i wanna loose weight but all i ever did is to eat less of rice but eat a lot of 'healthy' snacks... so should i be worried? hmm? aaarggghhh! im confused again!

Oh well, at least the honey cake's still yummy... YUM! ^_^

it's our town/city fiesta today... you're probably wondering why i typed town-slash-city... it's because i don't know if this place is officially a city... we just had our plebicit but i there's no official proclamation!! tsk! tsk! i just hate being confused! grr! anyway, yesterday was the opening day... and so we had our parade... [another] yipee!!!! wahaha! my first time to be the band majorette... ahaha! and i tell you, i was the prettiest band majorette of all schools! [reader: *throws up*] lol! conceited much? ahaha! seriously, i am so glad that the looser i was talking about before was, fortunately [for me, unfortunate for her], still is the assistant band majorette!! hah! good for her.. hahaha! im such a bitch, ain't i? lol! okay, i'll shut my mouth up since i don't have any business with her... i don't want to have any arguments with her since i don't need to stooped down to her level... hahaha!

That MS.YELLOW LADY is me.. ahahaha! [maybe that's the reason why im using yellow in highlighting my words? ahaha!]

my mom only took two shots of me since she doesn't know how to operate my cam.. [another] tsk! tsk! tehee! ^_^

a guy...

2007-06-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

my friends usually ask me why we broke up.... i told them the reason... it wasn't really his fault... it was absolutely mine... or maybe he had, but not so much...

im not saying he wasn't my perfect dream guy... actually, he almost was... ALMOST... coz there really is no perfect dream guy... but it's just that, im just so dumb.. so immature.. so.. I DON'T KNOW!!!!!

AND SO TODAY, IM NOW LOOKING FOR A NEW GUY... HAHAHA!! KIDDING! im a one-woman type, you know... and there's still a feeling left.. so it wouldn't be that easy...

but if someone might come, hopefully, i just hope it's someone better... SOMEONE LIKE THIS :

achingly bitter..

2007-06-25T03:01:00.000-07:00

yeah, that was what i felt while i was wandering around sm.. it would have been fine for me being alone in the mall for some time while my 'rentz were still in my bro's campus.. but i saw the studs in xavier highschool.. walking graciously in their own groups with their school uniform..

seeing them made me go back to a memory four years ago.. the memory where i passed the entrance exam for xavier high school but didn't study there because i didn't get the scholarship grant just because my freakin adviser had this hidden hatred towards me.. confusing, eh? oki, ill elaborate it a lil more..

this exactly what happened.. my grade six adviser hated me because my sis won over her daughter during a beauty pagent.. now, of course she couldnt do her vengeance to my sis, so she did it to me.. she deliberately gave me low marks.. so i wasn't the valedictosian when i graduated in elementary.. and that's the reason why i didnt get the scholarship in ateneo.. my scholarship was on the hands of my valedictory certificate..

and so when i saw the xu high school this morning, i thought to myself, if i just have that scholarship, maybe im wearing their uniform too.. maybe they might be friends afterall.. maybe today, i won't be feeling bitter at all..

wanted: lay-out artist?!

2007-06-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

*sigh* all the staffers are complete.. the associate editor..
the editors... the writers... everyone! except for the lay-out artist... grr!
it's kinda frustrating, actually.. since the editors have been finalized, all i could think of is what i would say for our first meeting... i have so many plans for our school publication... and thinking that there's only one spot missing makes my head ache! grrr! can anyone suggest somebody? ahahaha!

oh well, my plan are these:

im planning to enter our school for the schools' press conference... i just miss the fun of this school competition... it has been, what, four years since i last entered this kind of competition.. *sigh* then im planning also to have at least two meetings a week to discuss anything about journalism... they have to know what they're writting about, you know... if it's a news, they have to know what are the rules of it.. the do's and dont's... anything! and besides, this will be like a review if ever we managed to enter to the prescon..hehe!

i am also planning to publish at least three school papers this school year... yeah, three.. it's supposed to be two but since the second ish wasn't published last school year, we have to publish it this year..

hmm... i just hope my writers are sedulous enough to do all these... but then, i know they are.. hehe! im just so excited!

menacingly temptatious

2007-06-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

waaah!!!! after a non-stop shopping and travelling last summer, i promise myself never to buy any clothes, accessories, sandals, books, etc... but when i got to the mall yesterday, my hands were very itchy.... i wnat to get my hands on this.. and that.. and those... the result? well, let the picture do the talking... hahaha!

there are still a lot of those in the trunk... hehe! i'll take a pic for those later... hahaha! im such a typical shoppaholic... argh! it irritates me sometimes... but hey, im just a human with weaknesses!! tehee! oh well, i promise this would be my last shopping spree for the whole year! cross my heart! wahehe!

making a fool out of myself.. again!

2007-06-24T07:40:00.001-07:00

damn! damn! damn! if i was just foolish before, now im a jerk, a butthead, a total looser!

damn! i don't know what's gotten into me earlier.. i was chatting with my family while txting to my friends.. then, unsensibly thinking, i was already changing my inbox where his number and other messages were. after, i was poignantly reading all his text messages.. then i just found myself calling him!

actually, my only plan is to know if he's still using his number.. i just want to hear a single ring..! but thanks to my ever-reliable fone which has a lil defect on both of its earpiece and mouthpiece, he was able to answer it! darn! surprised and caught off guard, i immediately turned it off.. oh shit! i know he can still recognize my number.. AAARRRGGGHHH! i want to hit myself! damn! DAMN HIM FOR MAKING ME MISERABLE!! DAMN ALL MEN IN THE WORLD!!!

eye-opening

2007-06-19T03:59:00.000-07:00

from this past few weeks, i've been observing myself.. as i had said before, i was confused.. confused of how i feel.. of all the things regarding to him.. and now it has finally come to an end.. i finally have answers to all the questions that i have..

i have always keep on thinking about him without any reason why.. in the middle of the class, he just pops out on my mind.. i always recall how sweet he is.. how cute that smile he has..

then when my classmates talk about the 'happenings on their lovelifes' i always keep on thinking.. "what if we're still together? will we be doing that too?" there are so many what ifs i have on my mind..

and that's then i realize that i finally understood what was happening to me.. I STILL LOVE HIM.. and yet, i was the one to blame for everything.. because of being such a coward to get hurt, i easily give him up.. im such a total looser.. at school, i appeared to be so mad at him.. [even if there's nothing to be mad for] to hide everything i feel inside.. an irrational jerk.. yeah, that's exactly what i am right now..

i guess ill just have to accept the consequences i made.. and besides, he's not the right one, isnt he?ü

independence day...

2007-06-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

im so bored in our house... got nothing to do. err, actually, there are a lot of things to do. like making our report in filipino and reading some books that have been stored on my closet for like 48 years..? haha! but i don't know. im just not in the mood to do all those craps... something's bugging me.. and that's something is something i actually didn't know. pretty confusing eh? yeah, that's what i've been lately.. *sigh* so since im bored to death now, maybe ill just right about our independence day since it is our independence day today.. hehehe! so here it goes.. just be ready not to get drowsed... it will be very long... haha!

it's been ages since we were freed from the spaniards, americans and japanese. but the battles seems not to end. there are still a lot of people who want to control us. but sadly, they're not from any other countries... they're our own people. and that's even harder to accept knowing that they're our fellow filipinos. the politicians for one... they want nothing but to take control over us. use their position just to have full power and all the wealth they could have.

not so long ago, people joined forces to turn down two presidents. one, to stop dictatorship and the other one to stop his corruption. with this method, people are starting to put on their minds that this might be a solution to every problem they had. everytime they don't like someone's governance, they would just simply join forces and their wish will be granted. but is it really enough?

when i read bob ong's ang paboritong libro ni hudas, it gave me a little bit of sense of what was happening on our country. he said that if we'll get used to doing it, we might just loose the effect of it. and he's right, isn't he? people kept on complaining and complaining. and the government keeps on promising and promising. but what was really happening? or should i say is there any happening today?

i know, i know... not all politicians are like that. fortunately, there are good ones left too. that maybe the reason why i don't want to pinpoint anybody. [baka patayin pa ako. haha!] so what's really the real solution? im not a political analyst so i really don't know a thing about it. but still, no matter what the cricumstances may be, we filipinos are still holding on to our beloved country. still fighting for our rights. and i guess that's best for now.

first week of school....

2007-06-09T01:10:00.000-07:00

a week has ended... and yet, it's just the beginning. seeing all my friends made me realize how i miss them so much!!! i hadn't saw them for two months since i barely go out during vacay. but with the two months of being separated, it's just like our junior year with the extension of another ten months. the crankiness is still there, the teasing, the howling and the vociferousness! nothing's really change... im so glad about that...

such photogenic friends.. hahaha!

kiss! kiss! mwah! mwah! hehehe! my ever-cutie but stubborn friend... MAY2x

laugh! laugh! laugh! ha! ha! ha! im boring, ain't i? hahaha! i just got nothing to say... hehe!

sanitary napkin models... ahaha!

emote!!! ahaha! so pathetic... ^_^

first week on their duties... our CAT officers... chi! ahaha!

how i wish this year would never end... coz if it will, i will badly, badly miss them...

confused...

2007-06-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

i think i've had enough of surprising news this day. and seeing my EX this afternoon is too much. and i don't even know why his presence still affects me!!!! aargh! i just hate this feeling... any help?

first news...
my seatmate told me that he has already a new girl. and i couldn't care less about it. but of course, it's natural to us girls to be curious about our ex' new apple of his eyes.... right? tell me puh-leez... and she also said that im much prettier than that 'new girl'... haha! at least that's a consolation... hehehe! but she didn't say that just because we're friends, did she? hmm... anyway, if i couldn't care less about that news, why do i feel something, should i say, very hurt? is it because i still feel something for him? or was it just my ego because he found his 'new' first?
*confused* *confused* *confused*

second news...
he's still here on our town... i really thought that he was already at cebu to start his first day in college. but another friend told me that he was driving their car [his grandfather is our school principal]. and again, i couldn't care less! but then, why do i feel excited on seeing him? is it because i miss him and that i still love him? or i just feel really pretty about myself that i want him to regret about our breakup? i'd like to agree with the latter, but then....
*confused* *confused* *confused*

third news...
i've seen him after class. he was again, driving their car to get his lolo... actually, i didn't see him. i don't want to look at him coz he might think i still have feelings for him. and if you're asking if he saw me, well, i don't know also. maybe yes, maybe not. and i want to hit myself for feeling so sorry in not seeing him.
*confused* *confused* *confused*

what's wrong with me?!?! i don't love him anymore, do i? or was i just feeling too paranoid to think that he's still feels something for me and that i was acting like i don't like him anymore? i mean, c'mon! he already has a new one! my friend even told me that maybe he was just using her as his 'panakip butas' but heck.... i don't think he's that kind of guy... for at least five months, i discovered the real him and i don't think he's like that. and my last question is, WHY AM I STILL WRITTING THESE THINGS IF I SAID COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT HIM?!?!?!?!?!?!
*confused* *confused* *confused*

random messages...

2007-06-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

so many things had happened since i last posted my blog so i just put all those things in one.. hehe!

WHAT A TRIP...!

i was finally going back home to our so-called city.[*sigh* finally, i can have someone to talk to. at my bro's pad, i think im gonna be mad!!! hahaha!] the bus trip was fine. but after that? argh!!! i don't wanna remember!! since i only have 50php, i don't have any choice but to take up a public van than to ride an airconditioned bus. and it was really, really, one hell of a trip! the van was so full, the people were all sweaty and smelly.. plus, the lady beside me didn't want to close the window because she said it's too hot!! and to think i was near the window! the picture? i looked like witch with all my hair getting tangled, my face savoring all the dust from the road!!!! aargh!!!! i promise myself never to ride in a van again! promise!!!!

OUR NEW BABY...
yeah, we have a new baby.. hehe! but i don't mean a baby who does nothing but sleep, cry, drink milk, then cry again.. ack! no, i don't mean that. what i meant is that, rusty has a new playmate/rival... yeah, we have a new puppy!!! she is just so cute. a black, female, labrador dog... she was like beyonce reincarnate [our labrador dog before who died].. cute! cute! cute! hehehe! here's her pic:

CLASSES STARTS TOMMOROW...
*sigh* i can't believe the two-month vacation is over... and i can't believe classes will already start tommorow!! oh well, im excited to meet my friends though.. i miss them.. to the MAX!!!!! but just the thought of 10 months of studying makes me sick! haha! and since tommorow will be the first day of school, i'll be inactive soon. and my dad even told me this morning to stop surfing the net and focus first on my studies!! ooohhhh.... i can't imagine my life without internet... it's my only outlet!! but looking into the bright side, i still have my phone to keep me in touch with the net. haha!

GOIN' GAGA OVER MATTEO...
hahaha! JAMIE, if you happen to read this blog, im sorry, im just crazy about your guy.. hihihi! anyway, i had seen him on go kada go last night. at first, i reall thought i wasn't able to watch it. coz while i was still on the bus, my mom txted me that go kada go's already starting. and so i didn't bother to turn on the tv and just talked to my dad at the sala till six. but when i checked out my 'rentz room [where my mom is], i saw kim and gerald on the tv. that only meant one thing, go kada go was still on!! i kept on blaming my mother on telling me earlier that GKG was already over while i was on the bus. but, oh well. good thing i've got to watch my matteo before it ended. hihihi!

i love my...

2007-05-30T02:54:00.000-07:00

my sister...
i was crying the whole time i cleaned my bro's very very dusty pad this morning. [how dusty? well, just picture this out. when you first step on the house, the first thing you'll do is, *ha-choo* well, sneeze. ]

anyway, as i was saying, i clean the whole pad. then i saw this big box that i remembered a gift to my sis during her debut. everytime i go to cagayan de oro, she's strictly forbidding me to stay away from her box. of course, i didn't touch it. but this morning, i was all alone and my curiousity was killing me. and so i opened it. i saw a couple of pictures, papers, and a notebook. i checked it out then i found out it was my sis' diary. i know it's bad to sneek into her things,but... oh well..

moving on, i read the whole notebook. at first, i was just feeling pity for my sis. i can feel her loneliness and agony. i know she was really having a hard time, [she's still 15 when she got to college and living all alone. and when she was still 13, she was already living with my relatives. imagine that, no parents to guide you on a very young age., only relatives!] but i never know that she used to try to end all of her sufferings.. you know what i mean. but then, the only thing that made me cry was when i saw a bond paper inserted on the notebook. i saw our house she drew [exactly our house]. then at the bottom of it, there said, I MISS MY FAMILY. I MISS MY HOME. that's when i cried. even right now that im typing this. at the back, she wrote that, IM AFRAID IM NOT WELCOME IN THERE ANYMORE WHEN MY PARENTS FIND OUT ABOUT MY GRADES. that made me cry even more . ate, you will always be welcome in our home. you know that. we love you. and we always will...

my brother...
after reading my sis diary, i continued cleaning. then again, i saw pics. but this time, it was my bro's. pictures he had when he was still a kid. and then there's a picture of us during my birthday. i know we're not that close. we argue... A LOT! but we love each other. my parents would always tell me how sweet ivan is to me when i was still a baby. and now that he was studying at cagayan right now, we don't quarrel that much compared before. and although he's not a showy type, i can tell that he's very protective of me. when he would hear that i had a crush on someone, he would instantly say something bad things about that guy to me. though it's kinda irritating, im still glad he's concern for me.

my parents...
before i started my day, i checked out my fone for any messages. i saw two messages from my mom and dad. both were really worried about the fact that im all alone living here in cagayan. they told me all about safety precautions, about the snatchers, etc... then i replied separately to their own numbers, "okay, ill be very very careful. why don't you just come over here so you won't be worried?" my mom replied first, "tok-on taka! [sakalin kaya kita?!]"... minutes later, my dad replied, "sipaon taka! [sipain kaya kita?!]" *sigh* they really are concern about me, aren't they? hahaha! oh well, i love them nonetheless...